The Talk
by Christina TM
Summary: ObiWan has to give Anakin the talk. Mostly an excuse for me to make ObiWan laugh he was so tortured in REVENGE OF THE SITH.


DISCLAIMER: Don't own.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: My first _Star Wars _fic! Wahoo. This really doesn't have much to do with "the talk", more just an opportunity for me to counter the heavy, angsty feeling I had after _Revenge of the Sith. _This is shortly after _The Phantom Menace. _Anakin is around 10.

THE TALK

"Master Kenobi? Have you a moment?"

"Master Ranyar." Obi-Wan greeted the other Jedi. "Has my Padawan given you any trouble of late? If he has-"

Tessara Ranyar shook her head. "No, no, he's not a problem," she assured. "I have something of an awkward question for you."

Obi-Wan cocked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

The other Jedi looked down at the floor as if contemplating how to bets phrase her query. "Have you…discussed the facts of life with Anakin yet?"

_"No!" _Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "I mean, uh, no, I haven't." He looked at Tessara. "Did he ask you?"

"Yes," Tessara answered. "I told him to ask you."

"And why couldn't you give him an answer?" Obi-Wan would gladly have taken on a Sith Lord rather than have "the talk" with his Padawan.

"Obi-Wan." Tessara switched to his first name, indicating that they were speaking no longer as Jedi but as friends. "This is not my job. You are his guardian, and the closest thing he's ever had to a father. You need to teach him about this."

"Must I?"

Tessara nodded. "If you don't, I shall harangue you every day until you do."

Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face. Having spent most of his "Jedi years", as he liked to call them, with Tessara, he knew that her powers of haranguement had no end. "All right, Tessara, I'll…I'll talk to him tonight."

"Obi-Wan, millions of adults have had this conversation with their children," Tessara reassured. "And none have died." She winked. "I checked."

_Small comfort._Obi-Wan flashed his childhood friend an uncertain smile and left, pondering his answer to the inevitable question.

* * *

"Master? I have a question." 

"As usual." Obi-Wan looked at his apprentice, who sat on the floor. "What is it, Ani?"

"I asked Master Ranyar," Ani explained. "She said I should ask you."

Obi-Wan chose not to mention his encounter with Anakin's biology teacher. "And?"

Anakin looked uncomfortable, but said it anyway: "Master, what is sex?"

Having had a few hours to contemplate his response, Obi-Wan was able to hide his discomfort. "Come sit by me, Anakin."

The boy obediently crawled onto the couch. "All right," Obi-Wan began. "Has Master Ranyar done the human procreation lesson with you yet?" He knew the answer, but decided that would be a good starting point.

Anakin nodded.

"OK. Ani, sex is not just procreation. When a man and a woman love each other, and are totally committed to one another, sex is a physical expression of that love."

"Like you and Master Ranyar?"

That was a question Obi-Wan _hadn't _been prepared for. "Excuse me?"

Anakin shrunk backwards. "I-I'm sorry, Master…that was inappropriate."

"Indeed," Obi-Wan concurred. "Ani, Tess-Master Ranyar is a very good friend. I have known her since I was your age." He paused as a fond memory came to mind. "Did you know she was knighted two weeks before I was? I thought I'd never hear the end of it." He chuckled. "I still haven't actually. But to answer your question, Anakin: no, there never has been and never will be anything of a sexual nature going on between me and Master Ranyar."

That seemed to satiate the boy's curiosity. "But then why are there women outside the Temple who do it for money?"

"Prostitutes?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin nodded. "Kyre called them 'working girls.' Is that the same thing?"

Kyre. Obi-Wan wondered if the Jedi Code would prohibit him from Force-slapping that blasted Padawan next time they met. "Yes, Ani, it's the same." Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "You understand the Force has a Dark Side?"

"Sex has a Dark Side?" Anakin looked astonished.

"In a sense. Ani, the Force can be used to do great good. But if used improperly, it can do unspeakable horror. Just like there are people who abuse the Force, there are people who abuse sex."

"Oh. OK," Anakin stood up. "Thank you, Master." He went off to his bedroom.

Obi-Wan waited until his trainee was out of earshot before flopping onto the couch with a groan. _Oh, Master, somewhere within the Force, I just know you're having a grand old time at my expense._

* * *

"Good morning, Master Kenobi. I see you survived the night." 

Obi-Wan looked at Tessara. "Yes, Master Ranyar, I did. However, I didn't count on explaining prostitution while I was at it."

Tessara's eyes widened. "Oh, dear."

"Apparently the genesis of this whole thing was that Kyre told Ani about the…ladies of the evening who sit outside the Temple."

Tessara sighed heavily. "Kyre. He needs a good Force-slap."

"I thought so as well," Obi-Wan said with a laugh. "Do you think the Council would take issue with that?"

"Mm, probably," Tessara said. "He still deserves it."

"Oh, Tessara," Obi-Wan began. "I figured out why you refused to explain this to Ani."

The dark-haired Master raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

For a moment, Obi-Wan stopped being a Jedi Master and became Tessara's friend. "You can't speak about an area in which you have no experience."

Tessara didn't miss a beat. "Oh, then I guess _you _couldn't give him an answer, either."

She was quick, he had to give her that. "Well, then, who should we send him to?" Obi-Wan asked, playing along. "Yoda?"

Tessara drummed her long fingers against her chin. "Hm, I should like to see Yoda explain the act of love." She scrunched up her face and went into her Yoda impersonation, something Obi-Wan ad never had the nerve to do even when half a galaxy away. "Raging hormones, you have. Learn to control them, you must."

"Sh!" Obi-Wan admonished through a fit of laughter. "Quiet! Tessara; he'll hear you!" The words seemed to reverberate all through the Temple's stone hallways.

Tessara giggled. "You never-_oh!"_

_"Ah!" _Obi-Wan exclaimed as he tripped over Tessara and sprawled on the floor. _What was that? _He glanced up to find what he-or, more accurately, Tessara-had tripped over.

It was Yoda.

"M-m-master Yoda!" Tessara stammered.

"I'm so sorry," Obi-Wan said quickly, trying to right himself.

"It was an accident," Tessara added.

"We had no idea you were there." Good heavens, they were acting like a couple of ten-year-olds.

The diminutive Master peered at the duo. "Watch where you are going, you should," he warned in that grave tone of his. "Or trip over someone smaller than you, you may." He maneuvered around them.

As soon as Yoda was out of earshot, the two Jedi broke into gales of laughter so strong they could not hold themselves upright.


End file.
